How to Stop Feeling Guilty About Prioritizing Yourself
Let’s talk about guilt—that sneaky little voice that seems like it’s trying to help you. It might sound like an overprotective friend, always chiming in with “helpful” reminders:
“You shouldn’t spend money on that.”
“Don’t you have more important things to do?”
“What will people think?”
But when you step back, you realize this “friend” isn’t helping at all. Instead, guilt is tearing down your confidence, making you doubt your intuition, and pulling you away from the joy you deserve.
In Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown describes guilt as “a place we go when we fall short.” For centuries, society has conditioned women to feel guilty about prioritizing themselves—labeling self-care as trivial, frivolous, or even selfish.
Think about it: when we put ourselves first, guilt tells us we’ve somehow failed to meet expectations. But whose expectations are those? Why is taking care of yourself seen as something to apologize for?
The Roots of Guilt
Brown defines guilt as “an emotion we experience when we fall short of our own expectations or standards. With guilt, it’s having done something wrong and doing something to set it right.”
But let’s challenge that for a moment.
Why is prioritizing yourself framed as something “wrong”? Why is a cup of coffee, a manicure, or a quiet moment for yourself seen as something you need to justify?
Think about the last time you treated yourself to something small. Maybe it was that latte on a busy morning or getting your nails done. These acts aren’t frivolous—they’re meaningful.
The coffee isn’t just caffeine; it’s a moment to recharge because you’ve been holding everything together for everyone else.
The manicure isn’t just a luxury; it’s an hour of peace where you can feel cared for, and every glance at your nails reminds you of your worth.
These aren’t indulgences—they’re ways to stay grounded, energized, and joyful.
The Truth About Self-Care
Here’s the truth: whatever form of care you choose, it’s the right care.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t need to earn your self-care. You’ve already earned it by all you do for others.
In fact, not only do you deserve self-care—you’re entitled to it.
It’s time to let go of guilt, that overprotective friend-turned-bully. It’s no longer serving you.
How to Leave Guilt Behind
If guilt is standing in the way of prioritizing yourself, here are a few ways to break free:
1. Use Empowering Mantras
“I don’t owe anyone an explanation for why I need this right now—not even myself.”
“I work hard for others, so I can refill my cup when it’s needed.”
“I am deserving of peace and quiet.”
Repeat these mantras whenever guilt tries to creep in.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
Visualize guilt as an external voice: Imagine guilt saying the same things to a loved one—your sister, best friend, or daughter. How would you support and encourage them to let it go?
Write a letter to guilt: Break up with it! Write down how guilt has held you back and why you’re ready to move forward.
Butterfly tap breathing: Cross your arms over your chest and gently tap each shoulder in an alternating rhythm while taking deep breaths. This soothes your nervous system and sends loving signals to your body.
3. Schedule Self-Care Time
Treat self-care as a non-negotiable appointment with yourself. Block out time in your calendar, and stick to it like you would any other commitment.
Take the First Step
Whatever care you choose to give yourself—whether it’s five minutes of deep breathing or a full day off—it’s worth it.
Leave guilt at the door. You’re not failing anyone by prioritizing yourself. You’re showing up better, stronger, and more present for everyone who depends on you.
You deserve joy. You deserve peace. You deserve care. Take it. 💖
