How to Prioritize Self-Care Without Guilt: A Guide for Women
In the opening scene of the Barbie movie, we see young girls “playing” with baby dolls in a way that reinforces the expectation that they will one day care for others. The scene then shifts as the girls smash these dolls, rebelling against the notion that their sole purpose is to nurture. With powerful music building in the background, they turn toward a new Barbie doll, one that allows them to imagine their own futures, beyond caregiving alone.
I felt a surge of empowerment watching those determined faces, as these girls discarded antiquated expectations. Like them, I’ve had to redefine for myself what it means to be a caregiver. Society often tells us, especially women, that our own needs come last. We’re given plenty of tools to suppress our desires, and guilt is the main one used to “keep us in line.” But that’s all wrong.
Prioritizing our own well-being doesn’t make us selfish; it makes us stronger, more present, and ultimately better caregivers. Today, I’ll help you kick that guilt to the curb (or at least take a step in that direction) with a few simple strategies for guilt-free self-care.
Step One: Identify Your Wants and Needs
Before you let guilt chime in with “Who are you to put yourself first?” have you even stopped to ask what you need?
What would make you feel calmer, more grounded, or at peace? What activities fill your cup? Most of us find these questions difficult to answer because we’re used to caring for others. It’s easier to tend to the flowers in someone else’s garden than to explore the seeds in our own. Start by writing down all your wants and needs—don’t hold back. Let your list be as carefree, grand, and ambitious as you like. If guilt starts whispering, gently remind it to wait in the corner while you do this.
Step Two: Redefine Self-Care
We often think of self-care in big, time-consuming ways that can feel impossible: “I can’t take a whole day for a spa trip,” or “It’s too hard to find time for a girls' night.” Self-care can take on many different forms, and sometimes the things we really need are small, simple, and doable.
If, in Step One, you identified that you need to care for your body, self-care might mean drinking more water, moving your body, or taking an extra moment for personal hygiene. And remember, even if all you can manage is a glass of water, five squats, and dry shampoo, it counts! If you need rest, try allowing yourself a 10-minute meditation—even if you fall asleep halfway through. Self-care is about tuning in to what you need, in a way that’s sustainable.
Step Three: Call Out Guilt for What It Really Is
Guilt is like an overprotective helicopter parent, rooted in the beliefs we’ve absorbed from family, friends, and society about what we should be doing. At its core, guilt may once have been intended to keep us “safe” from negative outcomes, but it can become overbearing and even harmful. Life is far from black and white; it’s full of grey areas, and somewhere in that grey space is where your true self lies.
When guilt starts to pipe up with “You can’t, you shouldn’t, what if…,” try engaging with it. Ask questions that can shift its power, such as:
“What if that really happened?”
“What can I actually control in this situation?”
“How does putting others first benefit me—or them?”
Bringing kindness into our self-care is one of the most powerful ways to combat guilt. Where guilt judges, kindness reassures. Imagine an internal voice that says, “I’m proud of you for taking this time. Sure, you could do more, but considering all you’re managing, you did well.” If guilt is the overprotective parent, kindness is the gentle, supportive one we all need inside our minds.
Start Small and Build Confidence
Over time, as kindness replaces guilt, self-care will feel more natural, and you’ll grow more confident in prioritizing your needs. So, start today with one want, one need, and one small action. Whisper it out loud, tell a friend, or take a bold step and invest in yourself by starting therapy.
Remember: self-care is not selfish. It’s the foundation for a more resilient, present, and fulfilled you. You deserve it.
