5 Green Flags That Show You’re in a Healthy Relationship
By now, you’ve probably heard the popular phrases “Red Flags” and “Green Flags” used to describe traits in relationships. But growing up, I wasn’t taught about these concepts. Instead, I was told that if a boy teased me or pushed me, it meant he liked me. If I felt uncomfortable in a situation, I was encouraged to ignore those feelings so I wouldn’t hurt someone else. And if someone showed romantic interest in me, I was told to give them a real chance—because, heaven forbid, I end up single!
What I actually learned from these messages was to doubt my instincts and focus solely on others' emotions. But thankfully, times are changing. We now have the language to assess relationships in a way that honors our experiences. The “Flags System” helps us recognize which traits indicate a healthy relationship (green flags), which should make us pause and evaluate (yellow flags), and which are major warning signs (red flags).
So, let’s shift our focus toward what makes a relationship healthy.
Here are five powerful green flags to look for in any relationship—romantic or otherwise!
1. You Love Who You Are When You're Around Them
One of the best indicators of a healthy relationship isn’t just who they are—it’s who you get to be when you’re with them.
Have you ever heard someone say, “I finally get to be myself with them”? That feeling matters. A great relationship creates space for you to be your authentic self—whether that means being goofy, vulnerable, ambitious, or quiet.
Think of it like building with Legos. If two pieces don’t fit together, neither piece is wrong—they’re just not a match. The right relationships don’t require you to shrink, twist, or reshape yourself to fit. They celebrate who you already are.
2. You Feel Emotionally and Physically Safe
More and more, people are assessing relationships based on safety over love—and for good reason. Love alone isn’t enough if the relationship doesn’t feel secure.
A healthy relationship should feel like an anchor, not a rollercoaster. If you constantly feel anxious, on edge, or uncertain, that’s not love—it’s instability. True connection allows you to exhale, knowing you’re safe to express yourself without fear of criticism, punishment, or rejection.
Ask yourself: Do I feel emotionally safe sharing my thoughts, needs, and emotions with this person? Do I feel physically at ease in their presence? If the answer is yes, that’s a green flag.
3. They Are Consistent
Consistency is one of the most underrated green flags in relationships. It builds trust, security, and emotional safety over time.
A healthy partner doesn’t leave you guessing. Their words and actions align. If they say they’ll be there at 5:00, they show up at 5:00. If they express their feelings for you, their actions reinforce it. Their personality remains steady regardless of the situation—whether you’re alone, with friends, or in a stressful moment.
This kind of emotional reliability is especially crucial if you’re healing from past relationships filled with uncertainty or emotional highs and lows. Stability may not feel as exciting as unpredictability, but it’s the foundation of a healthy, lasting relationship.
4. Both of Your Needs Are Equally Valued
In a healthy relationship, both partners’ needs matter—not just one person’s.
That doesn’t mean everything is always 50/50. Sometimes one person might need more support, and other times, the roles switch. But overall, there’s balance. You don’t feel like you’re constantly giving while they take.
A green flag is when your partner genuinely listens to your needs and makes an effort to meet them—just as you do for them. It’s about mutual care, respect, and effort.
5. There’s a Healthy Balance of Togetherness and Independence
A strong relationship allows for both connection and individuality.
It’s a green flag when you can rely on each other for support without losing your sense of self. You can enjoy quality time together, but also have space for your own friendships, hobbies, and personal growth.
Unhealthy relationships often swing to extremes—either too much dependence (where one person feels suffocated) or too much distance (where one person feels neglected). A healthy relationship finds a balance: You’re a team, but you’re also whole on your own.
It’s easy to focus on red flags and what to avoid, but healthy relationships aren’t just the absence of bad traits—they’re the presence of good ones.
When you’re in a relationship that allows you to be your true self, feel safe, experience consistency, have your needs valued, and maintain independence, that’s not just a relationship—that’s a partnership worth holding onto.
And if you’re still searching for these green flags, don’t settle. The right people will create space for all that you are. 💛
Want to Learn More About Green Flags?
Here are some great articles to explore:
🔗 Wondermind: Green Flags in a Relationship
🔗 The Guardian: 62 Dating Green Flags That Shout ‘This One’s a Keeper’
🔗 The Hotline: Green Flags in a Relationship
🔗 Click here for a Green Flags Handout from Therapist Aid
Want to build healthier relationships?
Join me next month for my 6-week Boundaries Group, where we’ll dive deeper into these topics and practice real-life strategies for improving relationships.
Or, if you’d prefer individual support, schedule a free 15-minute consultation to see if therapy is the right fit for you.
You deserve relationships that feel safe, empowering, and fulfilling.
Let’s make that a reality together.
